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Alien Vs Predator / Spreadsheet: The Musical (Prequel)

by It's Your Fault Theater

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Overture 04:01
Alien versus predator There’s nothing betterer Alien and predator Ain't no competitor Everyone knows franchises are all the rage They wanna turn the page but they are a steadfast winner Finger lickin’ chicken dinner Alien versus predator Don’t need an editor Alien and predator Don’t need an editor Everyone knows franchises are all the rage...
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I am a impoverished teller of tales looking for a project to generate some sales I am also a singer of songs looking for some weed to fill my bong I will inhale deeply of my eccentric genius And lament the state of my shriveled little penis YEAH Walking around broadway in an altered state Suddenly it appeared before me, it can only be fate! Nearly anything can be a musical right now Hamilton, tootsie, mean girls, oh wow So why not take a movie franchise and musical-fy it? Why not? Why not? Who gives a shit? YEAH Why not? Why not? Who gives a shit? [what other people think]
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Everyone knows franchises all the rage They all want to turn the page but they are a steadfast winner Finger lickin’ chicken dinner which one/which one/which one should I choose which one/which one/which one should I choose I can’t/I can’t/I can’t afford to lose Marvel’s good and those numbers are real Star wars has universal appeal Bond James Bond could be set to song Pardon me while I load my bong which one/which one/which one should I choose I can’t/I can’t/I can’t afford to lose Harry Potter would do valiantly Fast and Furious: all about family How bout singing robots in disguise? Transformers: The musical! C’mon, guys! which one/which one/which one should I choose I can’t/I can’t/I can’t afford to lose pirates of the caribbean? Mission impossible? Are such things remotely plausible? I need a franchise for every homo sapien Hmmm….let’s see….what about Alien? which one/which one/which one should I choose I can’t/I can’t/I can’t afford to lose That’s good ! That could work really well But I need something more to make it sell You probably know what I am headin’ for ALIEN VS. PREDATOR (coda) There is no possible competitor To a musical set to ALIEN VS. PREDATOR I will make a call on my cellular to secure the rights To ALIEN VS PREDATOR
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Those mickey mouse motherfuckers will never play ball And my production budget, it is so small I need a pitch that that they cannot resist I don’t want a letter titled cease and desist Who owns derivative rights? Who owns derivative rights? Who owns derivative rights? IT’s DIS-NEY Who owns derivative rights? Who owns derivative rights? Who owns derivative rights? IT’s DIS-NEY Back in the day it was owned by 20th century Fox Acquired by Disney, stockholders think it rocks Huge entertainment monopolies might seem really great But us small potatoes people, we cannot equate Who owns derivative rights? Who owns derivative rights? Who owns derivative rights? IT’s DIS-NEY Who owns derivative rights? Who owns derivative rights? Who owns derivative rights? IT’s DIS-NEY (author has tantrum and smashes things on stage)
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Why must you Have it all And drive others straight to a wall Did you really need To have all the stuff Were you afraid We’d call your bluff There’s no earthly reason for one multinational entertainment company to own so much Theme parks, tv shows, movies, toys, do you have a grudge? Why must you Have it all And drive others straight to a wall Did you really need To have all the stuff Were you afraid We’d call your bluff Did you really need Both the xenomorph and the alien hunter as well? Was it because Of an insatiable deep rooted hunger and also because you smell? Must you gobble up every last franchise Is there no room for compromise
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I may as well try There’s no reason why Not to have a try Before I fry or lie I may as well try There’s no reason why Not to have a try Before I fry or lie There is no reason not to proceed and I will exceed And get what I need to lead and also buy some weed Also buy some weed I will call the fancy attorney at disney I will not sound flimsy and my pitch will have some whimsy Bitch: have some whimsy We will connect about the project with great respect They will not reject or be circumspect be circumspect and yet Alien versus Predator there’s no betterer It’s a brilliant metaphor for our nation’s character Our nation’s character Alien and predator There’s nothing betterer
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Author: I really appreciate you taking my call and want you to know above all This concept which may seem derivative is bound to make the market inquisitive As the post modern combination of franchises and musical theater surely symbolizes The saturation of commercialism extended to a kind of fetishism Attorney: As the material in question is currently in our possession I am certainly in obligation to prevent any litigation That would certainly result were you not to consult With the aforementioned owners of the material. Now please continue: Author: Right right got it so here’s the thing; I think this musical can really sing! Hah ! get it? It’s a pun! No no really this is gonna be fun. (to himself) keep it together you imbecile! Can’t you hear her tone is so serious and professional Give her the pitch already! And whatever you do , don’t be unsteady Attorney: (to herself) My god if I had a dime for every nerd who thinks their ideas are worth my time I’d be sitting on a small fortune and not suffering the exhaustion From listening to every schmuck who thinks we should give a fuck That their stupid fan fiction is considered an addiction. SIGH Author: So I’m thinking the original plot from the movie doesn’t contain the beauty To be brought to the stage in this odd and jaded age So what if instead the alien and predator becomes a kind of metaphor For the two party system to which we are all victim One hunts for prey and other kills for sport And we only elect one because we have no other resort Attorney: Wait wait wait let me get this straight you think this story can be political allegory and about the hypocritical Ways in which we attain a sense of agency only to quite shamefully Be buffeted about by dueling powers that beyond any shadow of doubt Don’t give a damn for the common man Do I got that right? Author: Yes yes something like that It’s less about extraterrestrial combat And more about republican versus democrat Attorney: Oh. Yeah ok. Well send me a treatment and a budget And we’ll get back to about our final judgment Thank you (both) bye
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Brainstorm 03:28
Instrumental
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I have no shame I gave it up With the fucks I no longer give And all things relative In my domain I don’t need acclaim I gave it up When my dreams died And my French it fried And then you sighed Ahhhhhhhhhh I’m drafting I’m drafting I’m crafting I’m crafting A masterpiece of everything that has come before And everything to follow I know it’s a hard pill to swallow Because it is so low brow And yet high art somehow Cannot convey the complexity Of what’s in my brain chemistry And I’m drafting etc
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Revision 01:43
Revise revise To what you devise whatever is clever For the franchise whatever is clever For the franchise Do not agonize But do empathize With the audience And their potential lack of tolerance Do not agonize But do empathize With the audience And their potential lack of tolerance With the audience And their potential lack of tolerance Revise, revise To what you devise
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Finalization 03:44
Finalize Finalize To what you devise And whatever is clever For the franchise whatever is clever For the franchise Do not agonize But do empathize With the audience And their potential lack of tolerance Finalize , finalize To what you devise
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Syntax Sum number 1 and number 2 Syntax Sum number 1 and number 2 (repeat) A1 A2 A3 A4 B1 B2 B3 B4 C1 C2 C3 C4 D1 D2 D3 D4 SUMIF MAX COUNT IF AVERAGE SIN AREAS and ACOTH AREAS and ACOTH VALUE BASE CUBESETCOUNT MODE TEXT YEARFRAC UNICODE TRIM NOW UNICODE TRIM NOW MODE MINA GESTEP EXACT DCOUNT TTEST IMAGINARY SWITCH ROWS IMAGINARY SWITCH ROWS (repeat)
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Deep Space: Numbers and Blood Part 1 - Contemplation It’s ‘bout time A solution And it won’t take long Unless you wait long A simple save there It’s working now Ready now Opportunity laid there Until summing comes Too blank, deny Blank cause It turns out Go to them It turns out In blank space It turns out In blank space…… Part 2 - Falling under the spell (instrumental) Part 3 - Succumb to the Spreadsheet Reflected Glass Under a clear deep sea Of squares and numbers For you, I bleed Part 4 - Computations are Made (instrumental) Part 5 - The Warning Don’t breathe too hard ‘Cause - you might be alive You don’t need a sign from them In the lines, we’re equal, insane But the ruler comes again! We stand calmly before you now And can’t resist it, don’t you see? If you can go through with this Keep calm, don’t ignore! Eating spaces in the threes It made so much sense to me After it was sub-divide I thought I would never see: Part 6 - Manic Realization, Data Output/Purge Face of numbers. Facts sleep. The air sees. No, actually, a small, excited leg. Lots can see. Days can see. Days see areas, performances do perform. A nervous air. Zero shy lines. Some ninety-six, nice, I got that My twenty two legs. His eighteen confused tables. Our five stubborn chairs. Legs see relaxation. Confusing eyes sing without a care.. Days see areas. Cats see areas. Cats can explain. Tables can explain. Confusing eyes sing without a care.. A nervous air. Zero shy lines. Some ninety-six, nice, I got that My twenty two legs. His eighteen confused tables. Our five stubborn chairs. Legs see relaxation. Confusing eyes sing without a care… Face of numbers. Facts sleep. The air sees. No actually a small, excited leg. Lots can see. Days can see. Days see areas, performances do perform. A nervous air. Zero shy lines. Some ninety-six, nice, I got that My twenty two legs. Days see areas. (His eighteen confused tables.) Cats see areas. (Our five stubborn chairs.) Cats can explain. (Legs see relaxation.) Tables can explain. (Confusing eyes sing without a care...)
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Do I Count? 05:23
After hours, everyone’s gone home. It’s just me and the Numbers. It all made sense but, now it’s gone. How can I build this alone. Do I count? There as a Ruler You stand on your own There’s not a fresh statement You’re in it alone Chords and binary You can’t attest “..I know” My friends are all with the families I’m thinking about it, how did I get here? Parts of motors, I believe. How can I really examine? Shifting through when it’s all done I don’t believe I can perform Working once, working, yes Soon it will be morning, mourning done. There as a Ruler You stand on your own There’s not a fresh statement You’re in it alone Chords and binary You can’t attest “...I know” Do I count?
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Functions 04:07
Made it through the day Full swing score again I went in alone and Out the other end Functions made of glass In a clear deep sea All part of syntax In par-en-the-sis We’re ready now It’s all laid there Until the sum It comes there, to them Too blank - deny! A blanked cause It turns out? Blank space. We’ve made it through this Computations free No cross function here It’s all plain to see Without Sub-divide Sure, we lose our way Coming out on top That will be the day Computations, computations, functions made, functions made, functions…
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We stand so calmly before And can’t resist, don’t you see? If you go, through with this Please keep calm, don’t ignore! Had a good idea Featured in my fears We are feeling so high Heavy rain coming out of my eyes Blind sweat out of my ears Why do they synthesize? When it’s between the lines? We hear what you say ...but, I got a number…
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The Numbers 03:41
Getting in a table Getting absolute Value of one, this value is sum of one, too. Returned absolute value Select and press Select and press Select and press Express the danger By putting in order! Don’t be wise It’s size of cell - it will consume you! Don’t be wise It’s size of cell - it will consume you! Express the danger by putting in order. Getting a thrill Absolute list 254 - or I snore! This value is sum of one This value is sum of one This value is sum of one…. Select and press Select and press Get. Right. In. The way. of The Numbers.
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Since the beginning of time The lines intersected When you felt before it was Is not very interested Blowing away Until you stop what it would be Don’t look too hard Or you might be alive I mean... We are bait Walking in the rows And I command you! “Over the hills”, I hear them say What else can I do? Please tell them I hope they had a good time At our expense When we reach you in the lines It won’t be the ‘best’ Maybe it’s me Or maybe it’s that I don’t really like to be there Something isn’t all right To wander around the lights at night You think you are frustrated? Look over here! A blind spot Above my ear How could you not see the way It is the columns over It's the nuances of it all There is only one, only one expression that I could really say right now: It’s…(sigh)...It’s…..: WAGGGAHAGAAHAGAAHAGAHAHAGHAGAHA See them break, See them Break, Seen them Break Walk along hey, Chalk along hey, Check my knees, Check my knees 1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2 Don’t sow! (repeat) Note Stage Direction: [people running into positions during the chaos] [ - - Buttcheeks are bared - - ] [Blackout!]
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Joining the lines Walking up on me I’m sitting by Long, the tenderings Something Inside On the bottom rung It just ain’t right All bound and headed Towards the cheek Return to tell I came up with the three Without my pride Waiting on the wing Off to the side Only tough-neck lean Until I find All bound up and headed Towards the cheek There are the lines Along the sided wing Into the bend Reaching in the weeds Science is fiction Forgotten here Meeting of the minds? Not here. Ain’t no butt cheek high enough……..in the city Ain’t no butt cheek high enough……..in the city Ain’t no butt cheek high………… Ahhhhs…..
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Instrumental

about

- PRESS RELEASE -
Broadway, New York City, NY, October 31, 2020 — This Halloween 2020 marks the release of the mega-musical ALIEN VS PREDATOR/SPREADSHEET by It’s Your Fault Theater’s own Dave Abel (Fly Ashtray, Autobody) and Sheila Bosco (Autobody, Dire Wolves, Angel Archer).

This musical is presented by Autobody, composed and performed by Dave (Alien vs. Predator) and Sheila (Spreadsheet) and features Eric Marc Cohen (Fly Ashtray, Autobody, Special Pillow) on drums and vocals and special guests Dawn McCarthy (Faun Fables) on vocals and Nils Frykdahl (Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, Free Salamander Exhibit, Faun Fables) on flute.

The musical opens with a song….and a bong. We find our author deciding to write a musical — why not? And why not Alien vs Predator? But finding Disney owns the rights, he descends into a road many-a musical has trod. Despair leads to gummies which leads to epiphany! The call with Disney goes not terribly when the author pitches the project as a half-baked political metaphor: less about extraterrestrial combat — although there will be some of that — but more about Republican versus Democrat. Writing the script, brainstorming, drafting, revising, crying, laughing and more bong hits…. and then while putting together a budget— a NEW musical appears — Spreadsheets. This is a strange world where every letter is capital and bad syntax is the name of the game. It further falls into ANOTHER MUSICAL, but we don’t want to ruin all the surprises! And does this ever really end?

credits

released October 31, 2020

Book and music by Dave Abel and Sheila Bosco
Engineered and produced by Dave Abel and Sheila Bosco in Queens, NY and Oakland, CA
Mastered by Adam Boose at Cauliflower Audio
Performed by It's Your Fault Theater
Sheila Bosco, Dave Abel, Eric Marc Cohen
with assistance from: Dawn McCarthy, Nils Frykdah and the Family Frykdahl (Edda, Ura and Gudrin)
Look to individual tracks for details
Art by Eric Marc Cohen
The producers wish to thank Christina Armas, Eugene Koontz, Eric Marc Cohen and Michelina Tyrie without which this musical would not be possible.

DOWNLOAD: (also included in each purchase) The official Playbill, Lyric Book and Press release here: drive.google.com/drive/folders/1olgD17wlGw1eH1h8u5EufBTbU_JI6Jw0?usp=sharing

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Autobody New York, New York

Autobody has displayed their original blend of jagged song craft, experimental music and humor since first playing as a quartet in Brooklyn in the mid-90s. Since then, they have branched out as "It's Your Fault Theater", a multinational collective of co-conspirators who write avant-garde music for musicals.
Autobody includes members of Fly Ashtray, Phoaming Edison, Dire Wolves and Dymaxion.
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