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Alien vs Predator: The Musical (Part 1)

by It's Your Fault Theater

/
1.
I’ve come from far away to latch onto your face To lay an egg and destroy your so called human race Sleeping in my pyramid cozy beneath the ice Puny humans have awakened me and they will pay the price Silly biped lifeform now you got me pissed off Like a crawdad, your head I will twist off I am the ultimate apex OOPS I almost said it I know you are literally dying to give me credit As the ultimate in evolution a perfect weapon of death Scream for mercy it will be your last breath Endoparasitoid extraterrestrial species You hunter aliens you ain’t nothing but feces I am a predator and I’m so much betterer than you because you're a bug; an insect you’re something I scrape off my shoe You may have the numbers but you’ll never have the style Now stand back while your corpse I gladly defile Ah that was lovely now what was I doing before? Oh yeah now I remember I was going to go to war With these buggy slimeball pointy poky stupid ass weak ass punks Pardon me my lovely audience while I slice them into chunks
2.
Predators and Aliens Why can't we be friends ? Predators and Aliens Why does it have to end? Tomorrow is another day To slay and pay with Blood and guts And slime and stuff Why can't we be friends?
3.
Cool wash Slow fades House right Splitting stage No need for separation Between new scene crossfades Tight spotlight on the Alien’s face He stands upstage Right on place Cool wash on upstage right Corner to bring them back A Pyramid mold A Pyramid mold A Pyramid mold A Pyramid mold Twenty-eight secret doors Infinity mirror tunnel on! Weird slimy eggs with puppet alien inside Eight secret floors - how can this turn out right?? An Alien Egg An Alien Egg An Alien Egg An Alien Egg 3D hologram at night It’s center bright Follow design On the right A neutral wash On the right A neutral wash A cool blue Stage left 2 meters wide 2 meters wide 2 meters wide 3 meters deep 2 meters wide 3 meters deep A counter weight, coming on cue And it fails to be trued Over radio I hear it said What else can I do?? I wheel the weights I wheel the weights I don’t wait I’m not awake A coffee break A smoke break It doesn’t help We have to work! Putting down the Marley floor Kick it along until it’s scored 12 hours ‘til the end of the day Props flown high and the canopy stayed Up in the fly Check all the ties A source four Fresnel‘s wide The moving walls The moving walls The moving walls The moving walls All fly systems soared We need more counterweights To hold the pyramid mold Of ancient walls in place A 2000 foot tunnel to the pyramid A 2000 foot tunnel to the pyramid A 2000 foot tunnel to the pyramid A 2000 foot tunnel to the pyramid…..
4.
Author: Hi there, I hope you are well I’m calling you just to foretell Of the great advances being made On this play, a veritable cavalcade Of song and dance with an action sci-fi twist The final product will be impossible to resist Lawyer: While I’m happy to hear about your optimism Forgive me if I express some skepticism When I approved the budget and treatment My expectation was the political elements would be more frequent Let’s make sure we are on the same page Tell me the story, how will it unfold on the stage Author: Sure, sure, of course that makes sense And it’s true that in light of recent events I have made some changes to the story Although it still functions as an allegory It occurred to me later that for broad market appeal Perhaps we should attempt to be more genteel Lawyer: Like I said, tell me the narrative Perhaps then we can arrive at a hypothetical imperative Author: Right, right, that’s what we want and need Ok the story--as we agreed Rather than set the story in the south pole As happened in the movie, and in the name of quality control We changed location to good old New York City And the story begins in a humble Deli A bodega, where you might fill your belly With Goya products and other everyday things Except this store has a secret from which the action flings because you see the store owner has a side job Selling ancient artifacts to any old slob With sufficient capital to make the purchase Without any attention to the ultimate purpose And so he has come upon an artifact of great import Both Alien and Predator want it and will go to any resort Including killing all the bodega customers and employees Except the artifact is nowhere to be found and so they flee An intrepid newspaper editor catches wind of the massacre And is told to report on the story by his manager In doing so, he stumbles upon the artifact From the bodega that has been ransacked ….with me so far? Lawyer: I was promised a story functions at a level allegorical This is sounding more like a story that is horrible Broad market appeal? How do you define this? It will be hard to convince my people to be behind this Where’s the conflict? I hear only a story that is random I’m inclined to consider this project one to abandon Author: I appreciate the feedback--Really I do But please allow me to continue What you seek is forthcoming Along with tunes you will soon be humming! Let me rush ahead a bit further in the play Following a bloodbath on the number 7 subway Perpetuated by our fierce extraterrestrial visitors There is a development most sinister You see, the artifact has been procured by a certain villain One who is real and has amassed billions None other than jared Kushner makes an appearance A person that we can all look upon with abhorrence He has the artifact and is held up in Trump tower Where he wants to proclaim supreme power But the editor goes there to confront the bastard But the editor get gets his brains totally plastered In a slaughter by the predator seeking the artifact And Jared finds himself defeated singled handed By an alien who has into his face, implanted An egg from which will explode yet another menace And mayhem and death most horrendous So you see--it will be exciting, musical, AND political I hope this assuages your concerns that are critical Lawyer: Mmmmm…. I gotta say: not so much! The whole Jared thing seems like a crutch Propping up the play with a thin semblance of political commentary The whole plot line seems totally arbitrary I would like see more--when can you have a revision completed I am discouraged but not yet entirely defeated Author: OK in a week or so I can make substantial edits To the story where you think it lacks merit I know then you will see the play at its full potential And the political metaphor will be essential rather than tangential Lawyer: I sincerely hope so--for the play’s sake Otherwise I will have to chalk this up to a small mistake Call me when you have a new version I am expecting a full incursion Into new terrain heretofore totally unknown A sci fi musical political milestone Bye now Author: Bye?
5.
I'm just a newspaper editor, Lookin' for an alien or predator, in a scoop that'll change the...world! To show that we're not the type of race, just sitting here in space, on this beautiful blue...pearl! Now I'm in a smelly trash bin, amongst the rats and the sirens, and behold what is this...here, It got some strange writing, and its glowing red lighting, mayhap its some type of E.T. sphere, That bodega bath, wont be played just for laughs, On tomorrow's headline page, Cause there's predators and aliens, And I've found the Holy Grail-ian, To herald a whole new age
6.
Glow Tape 01:33
Playing around the glow tape! Slip and slide on the glow tape! Cartoons alive Jumping through stage Spiders and flies On the glow tape! Come out from the cracks Termites and moths Spiders and flies On the glow tape Cartoons alive On the glow tape Cartoons alive!! Playing around the glow tape! Slip and slide on the glow tape! Cartoons alive Jumping through stage Spiders and flies On the glow tape! Come out - from the cracks! Termites and moths Spiders and flies On the glow tape Cartoons alive On the glow tape Cartoons alive!! Glow Tape! Glow Tape! Glow Tape! Glow Tape!
7.
I’m better than this, I think I know Concerned that this play really stinks oh no This job is jive But I gotta stay alive This story is bunk But I was in a funk So I said yes So I said yes In retrospect What about my reputation I need a libation To think bout the situation I hope this works out I’m better than this, I think I know My castmates: they’re ok And we’re not off broadway So why do I complain I gotta maintain So I said yes So I said yes In retrospect In retrospect I’m better than this, I think I know Concerned this play stinks oh uh oh no
8.
I've got the goods I've got the shit I'm so excited This is it! Time for a drink And a moment to think Not so fast Those things are mine You tried to cheat me This whole time Oh yeah? Says you! I know kung fu! You're going down You fucking clown Doof doof ugh thud! Out the door covered with blood Don't turn around or you will see A Predator and your pants you'll pee Chop chop chop such a mess and shame One more loser in this game
9.
Loco Gobo 04:38
We need a look A different take Blood and guts But can’t look fake We don’t have funds And no black light Think of a plan We have no time Hung on their left side, slice of life, Hanging in the rafters, secure props, cut it with a knife, Locked in place with safety chains, bringing tiger stripes I have a plan Using gobos It looks like water and fire Across the stage It has some style With an R48 Hung on their left side, slice of life, Rapture in the rafters, secure props, cut it with a knife, Locked in place with safety chains, bringing tiger stripes Clamp it in We ran out of frames This gobo is hot It’s burning my hands We can do this Without a hitch Ready for run through Let it begin
10.
Franchises are golden We all are beholden It is a bondage We must acknowledge The original story as it was told Let it gracefully unfold According to intent And inferred by the consent Of the owner of rights And he's always right But This is madness And will bring fans sadness Unbelievable crassness To please the masses Who don't see the genius Of the original thesis The movie on which this is based Should not be debased With political metaphor Instead of backstory of predator Nor does it make any sense To enter into defense Of this author’s vision Which is really stoned indecision And avoiding what must be done And singing the song that must be sung…. But this is madness And will bring fans sadness Unbelievable crassness To please the masses Who don't see the genius Of the original thesis But I do
11.
Predators and Aliens Why can't we be friends ? Predators and Aliens Why does it have to end? They say that we have to fight I don’t think that is quite right And I believe that someday We will be best friends Predators and Aliens Why can't we be friends ? Predators and Aliens Why does it have to end? They say that we have to fight I don’t think that is quite right And I believe that someday We will be best friends (Maybe more) (With benefits ) (more than friends) (so much more)
12.
The train is late It feels like days So tired of these Damned delays What is that sound What is that slime? I think I'm gonna Lose my mind. There's scary creatures Everywhere We gotta run Away from here Look out now They're over there Into the tunnels Just follow the tracks Crackheads, roaches Cats and Rats Not feeling so great Hold on! Just wait! Look out! Slime! You've sealed your fate. No no! His face! Let's get out of this place! (Woman Warrior) My boyfriend was an archeologist But suddenly_ he's gone So I will raise My tiny little fist And begin to sing_ this song Aliens beware I'm coming for you It really isn't fair Now he's covered in goo I will hunt you down to the ends of the earth And squash you like_ a bug I'll show you that My boyfriend's face Is certainly not for you_ to hug Oh Aliens Be very afraid-y Yes, Aliens This a-lady Is coming for you!
13.
Room quiet for AVP sound check!
 Stand By for Sound Cue 15
 "Standing by for Cue 15!
" Sound Cue 15.......GO! *************************************** Okay, that's good, moving on! Stand by for Cue 16 in the Orchestra Pit "Standing by in the Pit!
" Sound Cue 16....GO!
14.
Predators and Aliens Why can't we be friends ? Predators and Aliens Why does it have to end? Our love was never meant to be But when I look at you all I see Is my yearning to be free To love you for all time X2 Predators and Aliens Why can't we be friends ? Predators and Aliens Why does it have to end? Your inner mouth is made for a kiss And your slime it brings me bliss I want to hold your spikey bits And love you for all time x ∞ (We'll run away) (Into space) (I gotta ship) (We’ll make it work)
15.
Ladies of earth You've proved your worth With these weapons You can defend Humanity Until the end From aliens and all their goo And eggs and stuff It's up to you So predators and Aliens Can never ever be friends We've got them all We think we have. We're off to a far and distant world To be with our own kind If we left anything behind We hope that you won't mind Ladies of earth
16.
Part I - Incubation Waiting for your moment to come You’re stuck in the boredom waiting for the right moment Waiting for them to come Can the boredom end? You’re just babes in a shell As far as the eye can see Where did your mum go? What does the future hold? When in the night will you be freed? Taking cues from starlight and rogue oology Part II - Suspended Animation Enter debate: Are we alone? What does it all hold? An importance on it’s own? With all this time When to be born? You lay in an egg, in a cave, in a storm You weren’t asked to be put in this place How can you possibly be safe? Part III - Declaration In a cave in the ground In the cave lair I stand With a body and soul I cannot understand Wrapped up and grabbed from behind Oh innocent life I find Oh innocent life I find Can you decide? A crowd, a guide All strangers, underground Born into a world Without your future known How the goo does flow How the goo does flow….. Part VI - The Birth oh egg I beg you stop Hand take away blow the horn winter is born ---Be born!
17.
This is bullshit. This is bullshit! These costumes are so hot and sweaty I don't think that the set is ready We haven't been paid for several weeks The only ones who will see this Are losers and freaks! I had to sell my car! I had to sell my bike! This ain't funny Where's our money? Aliens and Predators on strike! But it's almost opening night! Hold on, it'll be alright Nah, this is bullshit, see? We're not gonna work for free! This ain't funny Where's our money? But it's almost opening night! Aliens and Predators on strike!
18.
Since the beginning of time Light circuits Cross connected What you thought was easy was Well, not very well inspected This house, this stage Where are they now Where they said they would be Don’t look too hard ‘Cause we”ll be - across the street!!! We all stand Walking in the rows And “I command you!” Over the radio, I heard them say! What else can I do??? Please tell them I hope they had a good time At our expense When you read through all the lines They’ll figure out the rest Maybe it’s me Or maybe it’s that They don’t even want to be here Something isn’t right We wander under the stage at night Where are they? Are they coming back? Why are we the only ones here? There is only one, only one expression that I could really say right now: It’s…............... (You won’t) see it staged, see it staged, see it staged So long Alien, so long Alien, so long Alien Checkin my P’s, checkin my P’s, checkin my P’s
19.
Hello I was hoping to reach you in person It seems the issues previously named have worsened I don't see any other reasonable alternative Than the decision most conservative Given the absence of a resolution We have reached the conclusion You must hereby cease all rehearsals Of the production Good bye
20.
Predators and Aliens Why can't we be friends ? Predators and Aliens It seems we are at the end I tried and tried to write a play But everyone but me got in the way There is nothing left to do but say Better luck next time (I guess so) Better luck next time (if there’s one) Predators and Aliens Where are all my friends ? Predators and Aliens It seems this is the end Between the lawyer with an axe to grind And the actors who undermined And the tech crew who could not streamline I’m left with nothing but my bong (and a song) nothing but my bong (you’ve heard it before) my bong and this sad song (could be a meme) my bong and this sad song (repeated theme) Predators and Aliens This is the very end Predators and Aliens I am all out of friends I’ve back where I started; maybe worse Laid out funds I cannot reimburse No one left who I can coerce I think I’ll just get high (until I die) Why not just get high (nothing to lose) Nothing to rectify (add some booze) Sing this sad sad song (sing it now) Hit this skull skull bong (how now brown cow) Smoke myself stupid (hit that shit) It is undisputed (yeah it is ) That I lost it all (nothing left) Lack the wherewithal (what he said) To start again (why bother) Because no friends

about

When half-baked ideas get fully baked by people who are themselves baked, needlessly complex hijinks and musical mayhem ensues!

From the same lunatics who brought you Alien Vs Predator / Spreadsheet: The Musical (Prequel), It’s Your Fault Theater brings you Alien vs Predator: The Musical Part 1, a 420-friendly meta-musical extravaganza about a struggle for domination of narrative, creative and technical control; a musical about extraterrestrial trans-species passion, about the genius of an original thesis, about special effects and set design on a budget, about slime and goo, and ultimately it’s a musical about you. And me. And that yahoo over there.

Bonus items include : Press Release, Lyric Sheet and Official Playbill!
Videos from the release can be found here: www.youtube.com/channel/UCrQpkqYgfpv1Sy-HKMMEWVA/featured

credits

released June 28, 2021

Book and music by
Dave Abel, Sheila Bosco and Angelo Sacerdote
Lyrics to Newspaper Editor by Damian Eckstein

Engineered and produced by
by Dave Abel, Sheila Bosco and Angelo Sacerdote
in Queens, NY, Amsterdam, NL, Petaluma, CA
Mastered by Adam Boose at Cauliflower Audio

Performed by
It’s Your Fault Theater:
Sheila Bosco, Dave Abel, Eric Marc Cohen,
Angelo Sacerdote, Jim Abramson

with special guest vocal performances:
Dawn McCarthy, Patrick Hambrecht,
and tap dancing from Edda, Ura and Gudrin Frykdahl

The Producers wish to thank Christina Armas, Eugene Koontz, Michelina Tyrie without whom this musical would not be possible.

DOWNLOAD: (also included in each purchase) The official Playbill, Lyric Book and Press release here: drive.google.com/drive/folders/1lt7FieANhzhIxWEvPIpeh6VMdWZXToEi?usp=sharing

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Autobody / It's Your Fault Theater New York, New York

Autobody has displayed their original blend of jagged song craft, experimental music and humor since first playing as a quartet in Brooklyn in the mid-90s. Since then, they have branched out as "It's Your Fault Theater", a multinational collective of co-conspirators who write avant-garde music for musicals.
Autobody includes members of Fly Ashtray, Phoaming Edison, Dire Wolves and Dymaxion.
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